How To Lose Friends And Irritate People

Did the Man of Truth (Yeshua HaMashiach aka Jesus Christ) have bad social skills?

A long time ago, I was given a book by a friend that was supposed to help me get along better with people.  It was called, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

In this book, the author gave advice on how to do what the title said.  He gave many things that could be done along with explanations of why they worked.

By the time I had read about half of the book, one thing he insisted on as fundamental stood out: If I would look people in the eye, smile at them, and say their name, then they would assume I was their friend.

I thought that was the silliest thing I had ever heard of.  I thought surely people are not so naïve and shallow that this would work.

So, I tried it out to prove how absurd this really was.  After I tried it out on several strangers, to my shock, it proved to be true.

I had thought this was silly because I immediately saw how that could be used to fake friendship and manipulate people.  It was beyond me why so many people fell for this.

The author also said to never criticize anyone for anything ever, if possible.  If it was not possible, then he suggested using the sandwich method, where you start off with something praiseworthy, then criticize, and then with something else praiseworthy.

The author said to look for things to praise people for, but to never flatter them.  He explained that the difference is that praise is saying something that is true about someone to give them a boost while flattery is saying something that might not even be true about someone to get something from them.

The author acknowledged that the techniques he taught could be used to manipulate people but insisted that most people would not use this technique for that purpose.  However, my experience in various corporations has proved that this is exactly what many executives and managers use these techniques for. 

While the book did give some useful insight into human interactions, it proved to be like a kitchen knife.  A kitchen knife can be used to prepare food or to kill someone – depending upon who is using it.

So, this book in the hands of dishonest people deserves a title more fitting for how they are using it: “How to Fake Friends and Manipulate People”.  No wonder, this book is often touted as required reading for corporate executives, salespeople, and politicians.

I also read books on sales and marketing in various jobs.  A common feature is to get people focused on the benefits of a product and make those benefits seem as large as possible while putting off discussions of price until the very end.

When price is finally discussed, then try to make the price seem as small as possible to people.  One way to do that is talking about the price in terms of easy monthly payments instead of the entire cost.  This is especially true if interest is going to be included in those payments.

The goal here is to convince people that the benefits far outweigh the cost.  Time pressure is often applied by making this a “limited time offer”, so people will not spend time making an effective cost/benefit analysis.

Also, to increase the likelihood of a sale, it is recommended to create FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt).  People are more likely to commit to something without thinking it through when they are experiencing FUD.

There were other techniques, but they could be summarized as one thing:  Try to get people to make decisions based on their emotions rather than their brains.  People can be conditioned to do this by using phrases like “follow your heart” and “don’t overthink it”.

These techniques have proven very successful in building up wealth, influence, and power for those who master them.  They work for those who see people and relationships as only a means to get what they want.

Also, many soft skills experts advised getting people to focus on what they have in common, while avoiding discussing anything that could lead to division.  Especially never bring up anything that some in the group are doing that others in the group would consider to be evil.

Above all, they advised never to say anything that might offend other people.  Especially never criticize anyone in public.  They recommended going along to get along instead.

According to those who teach these techniques, the Man of Truth had bad social skills.  A book of his techniques would best be called, “How to Lose Friends and Irritate People”.

The Man of Truth said things to lose friends.

The Man of Truth told people that following him might require them to be homeless and to ignore all social norms (Matthew 8:19-22).  He told them that they had to be willing to give up all of their possessions to follow him (Mark 10:20-21).

The Man of Truth told people that following him meant never backing down from telling people about him (Matthew 10:32-33).  He told them they must never be ashamed to speak is his name or his words – even if it costs them their life (Luke 9:23-26)!

The Man of Truth did not promise that following him would bring people into peace and unity, but rather into war and division – even within a household (Matthew 10:34-37)!  He told them that they had to love him more than their parents, children, spouses, and even their own life (Luke 14:25-26).

The Man of Truth told people that following him meant carrying about the means of their own torturous death (Matthew 10:38-39).  He told them that they must be willing to lose their life in following him, even if other followers did not have to lose their life (John 21:19-22). 

The Man of Truth told people to count that cost and decide if they were willing to pay it before deciding to follow him (Luke 14:27-30).  He told them up front the true cost of following him – everything (Luke 14:33)!

The Man of Truth did not tell people that they would gain an everlasting reward for following him until after he told them the cost (Matthew 10:40-42).  He only told those who had decided to give up everything to follow him what they would receive in this world as well as in eternity (Luke 18:28-30).  He only told those who had decided to lose their lives to follow him that they would be honored by the Father of Truth (YHVH aka God aka THE LORD) (John 12:25-26).

The Man of Truth spoke truth that was hard for people to hear and offended many of his followers (John 6:59-61).  He then gave them more uncomfortable truth that caused most of them to stop following him (John 6:62-66). 

Only those who valued truth over comfort continued to follow the Man of Truth (John 6:67-69).  He required people to obey his every command if they wanted to be his friend (John 15:14).

The Man of Truth said things to irritate people.

The Man of Truth criticized the scribes and Pharisees in public by pointing out their hypocrisy and pride (Matthew 23:1-7).  He called them blind guides and fools who led their followers to destruction (Matthew 23:13-22).  He criticized them for focusing on less important matters while neglecting the more important matters (Matthew 23:23-26). 

The Man of Truth compared the scribes and Pharisees to whitewashed tombs and said that they were just like their fathers who murdered the Prophets of Truth (Matthew 23:27-32).  He called them a nest of vipers who would continue to murder the Children of Truth (Matthew 23:33-36).

The Man of Truth said in public that the scribes and Pharisees were children of the Father of Lies (HaShatan aka Satan Aka The Devil) (John 8:44).  He told them that they did not know the Father of Truth and could not know the truth (John 8:45-47).

Why did the Man of Truth say things to lose friends and irritate people?

The Man of Truth said these thing to save people, because they were already condemned for being in the darkness of this world (John 3:17-19).  He said these things so they could come out of their condemnation (John 5:24).

The Man of Truth said these things to separate those who love the truth from those hate the truth (John 3:20-21).  He refused to along with lies to get along with liars, otherwise he would have become a liar like them (John 8:54-55).

The Man of Truth said these things so that people could know the truth and be made free (John 8:31-32).  The Man of Truth only said the words of the Father of Truth (John 12:49-50). 

The Father of Lies seeks to kill, steal, and destroy people (John 10:10).  The Man of Truth came into this world to destroy his works (1 John 3:8).

The Father of Lies rules over the world, and it says the same things that he says (2 Corinthians 4:4).   Those who do not have the love the Father of Truth love the things of this world (1 John 2:15-16). 

The Man of Truth died for our sins to deliver us from this world ruled by the Father of Lies (Galatians 1:3-5).  This is why the Father of Truth sent him (1 John 4:9-10).

His death allowed the Spirit of Truth (Ruach HaQodesh aka The Holy Spirit aka The Holy Ghost) to be sent to live in his followers, who would give them the words of the Man of Truth (John 16:7-14).  The Spirit of Truth now lives in all who follow the Man of Truth, so they can do what is right in the eyes of the Father of Truth (Romans 8:8-10).

So, there is no condemnation for those who the Spirit of Truth helps to play by the rules of the Man of Truth (Romans 8:1-4).  They will no longer play by the rules of the world (Romans 12:1-2).

So, come into the House of Truth by surrendering control of your life to the Man of Truth because you believe that the Father of Truth raised him from the dead (Romans 10:9).  Then you too will do the same things he did in this present world, like saying things to lose friends and irritate people (1 John 4:15-17).

Come into the House of Truth!