The Bully Across The Street
What is the heaviest thing that anyone can carry?
When I was six years old a bully lived across the street from us in Hazelwood, Missouri - a suburb of Saint Louis. This bully relied on nobody fighting back. He came over and hit me which was a mistake for him. I hit him back hard as my dad had taught me which caught him off guard. Then I also pushed him and he fell into our garbage can in a sitting position and could not get out. So I pushed over the trash can and rolled it down the street with him in it. It finally crashed into something and he got loose. Then he went home crying to his mother.
His father came over after work and threatened me in front of my dad which was an even bigger mistake. My dad went over to his house to tell him to keep his son out of our yard. Then their dad did something really stupid - he tried to hit my dad to intimidate him. The kids across the street were bullies because the apples had not fallen far from the tree.
My dad was not near as large as their dad but he could lick his weight in wild cats. My dad had no tolerance for bullies and dealt with them the only way he knew how. When it was all said and done my dad came home and their dad went out for medical treatment.
That night my dad told my mom to go to the bus stop with me for the next few days just in case the bully thought about starting trouble.
The next morning my mom did not want the neighbors to see her until she looked her best so she sent me to the bus stop alone. This time the bully was there with his two older brothers and they decided to take revenge. The bully did not dare face me alone after his last encounter. So like the coward that he was he had his two older brothers each grab one of my arms while he proceeded to hit me in the stomach several times until the bus came around the corner. I then threw up before getting on the bus.
When I got on the bus the bully sat between his two older brothers for protection. I don't remember ever seeing him without one of his older brothers nearby after that. After all, bullies are really just cowards.
When my father got home he heard from a neighbor about the entire incident and he was furious. My mother and him got into a big fight because she had not went down to the bus stop with me like he had told her to do.
A few days later my mother pulled me out of class and before I knew it I was on my way to Arkansas. I arrived at the farm in Arkansas where my Uncle Ken and my maternal grandparents lived. Soon my parents were divorced and I felt like it was all my fault. I was angry at myself for not being tougher and allowing the family of bullies to beat me up. But I was even more angry at that family of bullies. It seemed to me that they had destroyed my family and that they needed to pay for doing so.
This was one wound that time could not heal for the pain of growing up divorced was a constant reminder.
While my father sent the money that the court had ordered in the divorce decree it was never enough to meet our needs. My brothers and I worked hard just to help provide things like food and clothing while other kids were playing. In so many ways much of our childhood was stolen from us.
My mother worked as a nurse, sometimes two shifts, for weeks at a time. She would also work at a restaurant. In many ways I had lost my mother as well as my father in the divorce.
Life was so incredibly hard at times that we just broke down and cried until we could cry no more.
The guilt I felt for letting myself getting beat up by the bully across the street was probably the only thing that was greater than the anger that I felt against the bully across the street for destroying my family and making us all so miserable.
Then things took some more turns for the worst. My mother sued my father over missed child support payments that my stepmother had swore to him that she had sent but had really not sent. My mother got some sort of protective order against him and he could not come into the state of Arkansas. So I did not see him for three years.
During that time my grandfather died. This was almost for me as bad as the divorce. Once again, it seemed that my entire world was destroyed. I just wanted to die sometimes but other times I only wanted to live so I could get revenge. My anger at the bully across the street had grown into hatred.
I never forgot about the bully across the street who I blamed for destroying my family. His name was etched in my mind because I planned to hunt down his entire family of bullies and turn his mother into a childless widow one day. As far as I was concerned they were monsters that needed killing.
When I graduated high school I still remembered the bully that had lived across the street in Hazelwood. I still hated him and wanted him to pay for what he had done to my family. However I was too busy working sixty hour weeks while taking Chemical Engineering at the University of Arkansas to do much about it at that time. Still he was at the top of my list of people that just needed killing.
The family of bullies across the street could not have known about my plans but if they had known them then still would have had nothing to worry about as long as my grandmothers kept praying. Their prayers kept me from ever having the means and opportunity for revenge.
The thing is that I was terribly conflicted inside. I really did not want to kill anyone because I had gone to church enough to know that killing people was wrong and I wanted to do what was right. I knew that the Father of Truth (YHVH aka God aka THE LORD) wanted me to forgive him for what he had done to me. I wanted to forgive the bully across the street in Hazelwood because a grudge is just too heavy to carry. I knew that I needed to change but I just could not do it.
Then someone gave me a Good News translation of the Renewed Covenant (B'rit Chadashah aka New Testament) and I read it in one marathon sitting. Later I read it more slowly again over a period of several days. I almost never read a book twice because once is enough for me. However this book was different because this book was reading me back at the same time.
I could see myself as I really was in the pages of the Book of Truth (The Bible). I learned that in the eyes of the Father of Truth my hatred of the bully across the street was the same as murder (1 John 3:15). I learned that He demanded that I turn completely from my hatred of the bully across the street if I wanted my sins to not be remembered (Acts 3:19). I learned that I had serve the Man of Truth (Yeshua HaMashiach aka Jesus Christ) wholeheartedly everyday of my life and not just a few hours a week out of religious obligation (Revelation 3:14-16).
I had to quit carrying this grudge for it is the heaviest thing that anyone can carry. If I did not forgive the bully across the street then the Father of Truth would not forgive me (Matthew 6:15). The price of carrying a grudge is too high of a price to pay to ever be worth it.
The only trouble was that I did not know how to get the strength to let go of my hatred. The churches I grew up in taught that a man could be forgiven for his sins but he could never be free from his sins. I cried out for the Father of Truth to show me what to do.
Then I saw the Man of Truth do in the life of my cousin what I needed him to do in my life. After verifying that this change was real and not just some act, I asked my cousin what happened to bring about this change in his life.
He said that he had given complete control of his life to the Man of Truth. He told me that the only way to bring about this kind of change was for me to make the Man of Truth the Lord of my life by giving him control of every area of my life . He told me that no one is strong enough to make these kind of changes on their own. He told me, that it was not a matter of me being strong enough to change, but rather a matter of letting the Man of Truth change me, because he was strong enough to do so.
A few days later I did the same thing that my cousin had done and I got the same results. When I surrendered every bit of control of my life to the Man of Truth then my anger and hatred for the bully across the street came to an immediate end. In fact, I wanted to hunt him down and tell him how he could also be saved from Hell but I did not know where he lived.
Then I started reading the Book of Truth every moment that I had an opportunity. I was starved for the truth and I wanted to learn the truth about everything so I could grow in truth (1 Peter 2:2). This time many more things in the Book of Truth made sense because I was being guided into all truth by the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13). It was different once I had the Spirit of Truth (Ruach HaQodesh aka The Holy Spirit aka The Holy Ghost) living on the inside of me instead talking to me from the outside (Romans 8:9).
I learned the truth about my parents divorce. It was learning the truth by continuing to read the Book of Truth that set me free from the pain caused by the divorce of my parents and the bully across the street (John 8:31-32).
The truth is that I was not responsible for my family being destroyed by divorce. I was a six year old kid that did not have the training or strength to fight off another six year old kid along with his eight year old and ten year old brothers at the same time. This lie that I was to blame had been told to me by a Spirit of Lies (devils aka demons aka gods aka unclean spirit) and I did not know any better than to just believe it.
I had also listened to their lies about the bully across the street in Hazelwood. The truth is that the bully across the street was also just a six old kid. He was not responsible for destroying my family with divorce. That six year old kid did not mean to break my heart by taking my dad away from me, who was my entire world at the time. That six year old kid was probably bullied all the time in his own house, considering that his dad and two older brothers were both bullies. That six year old kid was undoubtedly acting the same way that he had seen his father act, when he hit me for no good reason, just as I was reacting to his actions in the same way that I had seen my father react to bullies. He was not some monster that needed killing. He was someone made in the image of the Father of Truth (Genesis 9:6). The Man of Truth had died to save him from his sins just like me (Romans 5:8).
The truth is my parents were the responsible for their own actions and will have to answer to the Father of Truth for them (Romans 14:12).
My father, and the father of the kid across the street, should have worked out a peaceful solution instead of deciding to settle matters with their fists (Romans 12:18). They should have showed me, and the kid across the street, how to live in peace with our neighbors, instead of starting some sort of blood feud like the Hatfields and McCoys (Hebrews 12:14).
My father could have given a soft answer and turned away the wrath of their father (Proverbs 15:1). My father could have called the police, and let them handle it, instead of taking matters into his own hands, if their father hit him (Romans 13:3-5). My father should not have lost his temper when he got home (Proverbs 29:22). He should not have made my mother feel that she and her children were not safe in their own house (Ephesians 5:25).
My mother should not have put my father on edge all the time by nagging, and otherwise trying to manipulate him, to get her own way all the time (Proverbs 19:13). My mother should have went down to the bus stop with me like my father said, because he was the head of the house (Ephesians 5:24). She should have been less concerned with what the neighbors would think, and more concerned with obeying the Father of Truth (Proverbs 29:25).
The truth is that they did not have any problems that they could not have worked out. The Book of Truth said, that when they got divorced it was because they had dealt treacherously with each other (Jeremiah 3:20). The Man of Truth said, that the only reason why my parents got a divorce instead of repenting and reconciling was the hardness of their hearts (Matthew 19:8). Our lives had been made so hard because they had chose to live in rebellion to the commandments of the Father of Truth (Proverbs 13:15).
The truth is that my parents acted the way that they did for the same reasons that I acted the way that I had - they had never surrendered control of their lives to the Man of Truth.
My father got into some sort of stupid fight with some preacher before I was born, and decided to never go to church again. He could not let go of his grudge, and it has cost him dearly. He has suffered so many things that he could have avoided, if he had only surrendered to the Man of Truth, instead of being angry at all preachers, over what one preacher said or did. I do not know what the fight was about, and he might not even remember, but the cost of keeping this grudge has been too high of a price to pay.
My mother went to church every Sunday morning but she did not base her decisions throughout the week on the teachings of the Man of Truth. She called the Man of Truth her Lord, but she did not do the will of the Father of Truth (Matthew 7:21). She called the Man of Truth her Lord, but she did not do what he said (Luke 6:46). She believed in the Father of Truth, but so do the Spirits of Lies (James 2:19).
She might not have even known that she needed to submit to the Man of Truth in total surrender, if the religious professionals she asked to were like the ones who I asked. They probably told her, that all she needed to do was admit that she was a sinner, and ask for forgiveness. Asking the Man of Truth to fix your life without giving him complete control of your life, is like asking a mechanic to fix your car while you continue to drive it.
Since my parents, and the parents of the kid across the street in Hazelwood, had not surrendered control of their lives to the Man of Truth, then they could not have possibly raised us to walk in the ways of the Father of Truth. Things would have been a lot different for all of us, if they had raised us up in the admonition of the Father of Truth (Ephesians 6:4).
They could have taught us all of the time about how to live in line with the Word of Truth (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). We would have not departed living in line with the Word of Truth, if they had done this (Proverbs 22:6).
In the worst case, I and the kid across the street would have both gotten a whipping for fighting to drive this evil from our lives, and that would have been that (Proverbs 22:15). The kid across the street and I might have even became best friends.
The Father of Lies (HaShatan aka Satan aka The Devil) was the one behind all the lies that caused so much misery, when we believed them (John 8:44). He came to steal the joy, that we could have known by living together in the House of Truth, to tempt me to kill the kid across the street, and to destroy my family (John 10:10).
The Father of Lies is the one who sent the Spirits of Lies to tempt me, the kid across the street, my parents, and his parents, into doing the wrong things (1 Corinthians 7:5). He is the one who blinded all of us from seeing that we could been saved from all of this misery, by submitting to the Man of Truth in total surrender (2 Corinthians 4:3-4). My parents, and the family of the kid across the street, were never the root cause of the misery that ensued (Ephesians 6:12).
The Man of Truth is preparing a place of all who will come into the House of Truth, including the kid across the street (John 14:2). Today, I hope that the kid across the street has come into the House of Truth through the saving knowledge of the Man of Truth (1 Timothy 2:3-5).
If the kid across the street is reading this, then I hope that you will come into the House of Truth by submitting to the Man of Truth in total surrender, because you believe that the Father of Truth raised him from the dead (Romans 10:8-11). I would love for you to once again live across the street, not in Hazelwood, but in the city that the Father of Truth is building for those who come into the House of Truth (Hebrews 11:10).
Come into the House of Truth!
When I was six years old a bully lived across the street from us in Hazelwood, Missouri - a suburb of Saint Louis. This bully relied on nobody fighting back. He came over and hit me which was a mistake for him. I hit him back hard as my dad had taught me which caught him off guard. Then I also pushed him and he fell into our garbage can in a sitting position and could not get out. So I pushed over the trash can and rolled it down the street with him in it. It finally crashed into something and he got loose. Then he went home crying to his mother.
His father came over after work and threatened me in front of my dad which was an even bigger mistake. My dad went over to his house to tell him to keep his son out of our yard. Then their dad did something really stupid - he tried to hit my dad to intimidate him. The kids across the street were bullies because the apples had not fallen far from the tree.
My dad was not near as large as their dad but he could lick his weight in wild cats. My dad had no tolerance for bullies and dealt with them the only way he knew how. When it was all said and done my dad came home and their dad went out for medical treatment.
That night my dad told my mom to go to the bus stop with me for the next few days just in case the bully thought about starting trouble.
The next morning my mom did not want the neighbors to see her until she looked her best so she sent me to the bus stop alone. This time the bully was there with his two older brothers and they decided to take revenge. The bully did not dare face me alone after his last encounter. So like the coward that he was he had his two older brothers each grab one of my arms while he proceeded to hit me in the stomach several times until the bus came around the corner. I then threw up before getting on the bus.
When I got on the bus the bully sat between his two older brothers for protection. I don't remember ever seeing him without one of his older brothers nearby after that. After all, bullies are really just cowards.
When my father got home he heard from a neighbor about the entire incident and he was furious. My mother and him got into a big fight because she had not went down to the bus stop with me like he had told her to do.
A few days later my mother pulled me out of class and before I knew it I was on my way to Arkansas. I arrived at the farm in Arkansas where my Uncle Ken and my maternal grandparents lived. Soon my parents were divorced and I felt like it was all my fault. I was angry at myself for not being tougher and allowing the family of bullies to beat me up. But I was even more angry at that family of bullies. It seemed to me that they had destroyed my family and that they needed to pay for doing so.
This was one wound that time could not heal for the pain of growing up divorced was a constant reminder.
While my father sent the money that the court had ordered in the divorce decree it was never enough to meet our needs. My brothers and I worked hard just to help provide things like food and clothing while other kids were playing. In so many ways much of our childhood was stolen from us.
My mother worked as a nurse, sometimes two shifts, for weeks at a time. She would also work at a restaurant. In many ways I had lost my mother as well as my father in the divorce.
Life was so incredibly hard at times that we just broke down and cried until we could cry no more.
The guilt I felt for letting myself getting beat up by the bully across the street was probably the only thing that was greater than the anger that I felt against the bully across the street for destroying my family and making us all so miserable.
Then things took some more turns for the worst. My mother sued my father over missed child support payments that my stepmother had swore to him that she had sent but had really not sent. My mother got some sort of protective order against him and he could not come into the state of Arkansas. So I did not see him for three years.
During that time my grandfather died. This was almost for me as bad as the divorce. Once again, it seemed that my entire world was destroyed. I just wanted to die sometimes but other times I only wanted to live so I could get revenge. My anger at the bully across the street had grown into hatred.
I never forgot about the bully across the street who I blamed for destroying my family. His name was etched in my mind because I planned to hunt down his entire family of bullies and turn his mother into a childless widow one day. As far as I was concerned they were monsters that needed killing.
When I graduated high school I still remembered the bully that had lived across the street in Hazelwood. I still hated him and wanted him to pay for what he had done to my family. However I was too busy working sixty hour weeks while taking Chemical Engineering at the University of Arkansas to do much about it at that time. Still he was at the top of my list of people that just needed killing.
The family of bullies across the street could not have known about my plans but if they had known them then still would have had nothing to worry about as long as my grandmothers kept praying. Their prayers kept me from ever having the means and opportunity for revenge.
The thing is that I was terribly conflicted inside. I really did not want to kill anyone because I had gone to church enough to know that killing people was wrong and I wanted to do what was right. I knew that the Father of Truth (YHVH aka God aka THE LORD) wanted me to forgive him for what he had done to me. I wanted to forgive the bully across the street in Hazelwood because a grudge is just too heavy to carry. I knew that I needed to change but I just could not do it.
Then someone gave me a Good News translation of the Renewed Covenant (B'rit Chadashah aka New Testament) and I read it in one marathon sitting. Later I read it more slowly again over a period of several days. I almost never read a book twice because once is enough for me. However this book was different because this book was reading me back at the same time.
I could see myself as I really was in the pages of the Book of Truth (The Bible). I learned that in the eyes of the Father of Truth my hatred of the bully across the street was the same as murder (1 John 3:15). I learned that He demanded that I turn completely from my hatred of the bully across the street if I wanted my sins to not be remembered (Acts 3:19). I learned that I had serve the Man of Truth (Yeshua HaMashiach aka Jesus Christ) wholeheartedly everyday of my life and not just a few hours a week out of religious obligation (Revelation 3:14-16).
I had to quit carrying this grudge for it is the heaviest thing that anyone can carry. If I did not forgive the bully across the street then the Father of Truth would not forgive me (Matthew 6:15). The price of carrying a grudge is too high of a price to pay to ever be worth it.
The only trouble was that I did not know how to get the strength to let go of my hatred. The churches I grew up in taught that a man could be forgiven for his sins but he could never be free from his sins. I cried out for the Father of Truth to show me what to do.
Then I saw the Man of Truth do in the life of my cousin what I needed him to do in my life. After verifying that this change was real and not just some act, I asked my cousin what happened to bring about this change in his life.
He said that he had given complete control of his life to the Man of Truth. He told me that the only way to bring about this kind of change was for me to make the Man of Truth the Lord of my life by giving him control of every area of my life . He told me that no one is strong enough to make these kind of changes on their own. He told me, that it was not a matter of me being strong enough to change, but rather a matter of letting the Man of Truth change me, because he was strong enough to do so.
A few days later I did the same thing that my cousin had done and I got the same results. When I surrendered every bit of control of my life to the Man of Truth then my anger and hatred for the bully across the street came to an immediate end. In fact, I wanted to hunt him down and tell him how he could also be saved from Hell but I did not know where he lived.
Then I started reading the Book of Truth every moment that I had an opportunity. I was starved for the truth and I wanted to learn the truth about everything so I could grow in truth (1 Peter 2:2). This time many more things in the Book of Truth made sense because I was being guided into all truth by the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13). It was different once I had the Spirit of Truth (Ruach HaQodesh aka The Holy Spirit aka The Holy Ghost) living on the inside of me instead talking to me from the outside (Romans 8:9).
I learned the truth about my parents divorce. It was learning the truth by continuing to read the Book of Truth that set me free from the pain caused by the divorce of my parents and the bully across the street (John 8:31-32).
The truth is that I was not responsible for my family being destroyed by divorce. I was a six year old kid that did not have the training or strength to fight off another six year old kid along with his eight year old and ten year old brothers at the same time. This lie that I was to blame had been told to me by a Spirit of Lies (devils aka demons aka gods aka unclean spirit) and I did not know any better than to just believe it.
I had also listened to their lies about the bully across the street in Hazelwood. The truth is that the bully across the street was also just a six old kid. He was not responsible for destroying my family with divorce. That six year old kid did not mean to break my heart by taking my dad away from me, who was my entire world at the time. That six year old kid was probably bullied all the time in his own house, considering that his dad and two older brothers were both bullies. That six year old kid was undoubtedly acting the same way that he had seen his father act, when he hit me for no good reason, just as I was reacting to his actions in the same way that I had seen my father react to bullies. He was not some monster that needed killing. He was someone made in the image of the Father of Truth (Genesis 9:6). The Man of Truth had died to save him from his sins just like me (Romans 5:8).
The truth is my parents were the responsible for their own actions and will have to answer to the Father of Truth for them (Romans 14:12).
My father, and the father of the kid across the street, should have worked out a peaceful solution instead of deciding to settle matters with their fists (Romans 12:18). They should have showed me, and the kid across the street, how to live in peace with our neighbors, instead of starting some sort of blood feud like the Hatfields and McCoys (Hebrews 12:14).
My father could have given a soft answer and turned away the wrath of their father (Proverbs 15:1). My father could have called the police, and let them handle it, instead of taking matters into his own hands, if their father hit him (Romans 13:3-5). My father should not have lost his temper when he got home (Proverbs 29:22). He should not have made my mother feel that she and her children were not safe in their own house (Ephesians 5:25).
My mother should not have put my father on edge all the time by nagging, and otherwise trying to manipulate him, to get her own way all the time (Proverbs 19:13). My mother should have went down to the bus stop with me like my father said, because he was the head of the house (Ephesians 5:24). She should have been less concerned with what the neighbors would think, and more concerned with obeying the Father of Truth (Proverbs 29:25).
The truth is that they did not have any problems that they could not have worked out. The Book of Truth said, that when they got divorced it was because they had dealt treacherously with each other (Jeremiah 3:20). The Man of Truth said, that the only reason why my parents got a divorce instead of repenting and reconciling was the hardness of their hearts (Matthew 19:8). Our lives had been made so hard because they had chose to live in rebellion to the commandments of the Father of Truth (Proverbs 13:15).
The truth is that my parents acted the way that they did for the same reasons that I acted the way that I had - they had never surrendered control of their lives to the Man of Truth.
My father got into some sort of stupid fight with some preacher before I was born, and decided to never go to church again. He could not let go of his grudge, and it has cost him dearly. He has suffered so many things that he could have avoided, if he had only surrendered to the Man of Truth, instead of being angry at all preachers, over what one preacher said or did. I do not know what the fight was about, and he might not even remember, but the cost of keeping this grudge has been too high of a price to pay.
My mother went to church every Sunday morning but she did not base her decisions throughout the week on the teachings of the Man of Truth. She called the Man of Truth her Lord, but she did not do the will of the Father of Truth (Matthew 7:21). She called the Man of Truth her Lord, but she did not do what he said (Luke 6:46). She believed in the Father of Truth, but so do the Spirits of Lies (James 2:19).
She might not have even known that she needed to submit to the Man of Truth in total surrender, if the religious professionals she asked to were like the ones who I asked. They probably told her, that all she needed to do was admit that she was a sinner, and ask for forgiveness. Asking the Man of Truth to fix your life without giving him complete control of your life, is like asking a mechanic to fix your car while you continue to drive it.
Since my parents, and the parents of the kid across the street in Hazelwood, had not surrendered control of their lives to the Man of Truth, then they could not have possibly raised us to walk in the ways of the Father of Truth. Things would have been a lot different for all of us, if they had raised us up in the admonition of the Father of Truth (Ephesians 6:4).
They could have taught us all of the time about how to live in line with the Word of Truth (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). We would have not departed living in line with the Word of Truth, if they had done this (Proverbs 22:6).
In the worst case, I and the kid across the street would have both gotten a whipping for fighting to drive this evil from our lives, and that would have been that (Proverbs 22:15). The kid across the street and I might have even became best friends.
The Father of Lies (HaShatan aka Satan aka The Devil) was the one behind all the lies that caused so much misery, when we believed them (John 8:44). He came to steal the joy, that we could have known by living together in the House of Truth, to tempt me to kill the kid across the street, and to destroy my family (John 10:10).
The Father of Lies is the one who sent the Spirits of Lies to tempt me, the kid across the street, my parents, and his parents, into doing the wrong things (1 Corinthians 7:5). He is the one who blinded all of us from seeing that we could been saved from all of this misery, by submitting to the Man of Truth in total surrender (2 Corinthians 4:3-4). My parents, and the family of the kid across the street, were never the root cause of the misery that ensued (Ephesians 6:12).
The Man of Truth is preparing a place of all who will come into the House of Truth, including the kid across the street (John 14:2). Today, I hope that the kid across the street has come into the House of Truth through the saving knowledge of the Man of Truth (1 Timothy 2:3-5).
If the kid across the street is reading this, then I hope that you will come into the House of Truth by submitting to the Man of Truth in total surrender, because you believe that the Father of Truth raised him from the dead (Romans 10:8-11). I would love for you to once again live across the street, not in Hazelwood, but in the city that the Father of Truth is building for those who come into the House of Truth (Hebrews 11:10).
Come into the House of Truth!
Labels: Bullies, Divorce, Forgiveness, Grace, Ozarks
posted by The House Of Truth @ November 03, 2013
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